I've been having a scintillating email war with Glenn Beck's webmaster (Glenn wasn't available), but now I think he's pulling out. At certain junctures I make the mistake of actually trying to make a point, but by the end I think I achieved the proper level of unhinged fury. Will there be more? We can only pray. And cry.
Subject: An Honorable Man!
May 31 (10 days ago)
FROM ME
to webmaster
May 31 (10 days ago)
Hi 912 People!
I was reading about Glenn's 1980s radio days and was wondering: did Glenn ever make an on-air apology for using his rival's wife's miscarriage as a comedic prop in Phoenix? Or was he too blitzed on coke to remember doing it? Man that must have been a fun time for him! And America! Thanks,
Dave
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Jun 3 (7 days ago)
webmaster@theglennbeck912project.com
to me
show details Jun 3 (7 days ago)
Dave,
Good to know you can read. Now, may we suggest you take the advice of your folks and stop focusing on the politics of the past (if that story is even true - did you check it's accuracy?).
I wonder what you think of Bill Maher's racist slurs of our President.
Thanks again,
The 912 Elves
- Show quoted text -
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Jun 3 (7 days ago)
FROM ME AGAIN -- IS THIS ANNOYING?
to webmaster
show details Jun 3 (7 days ago)
Hi! Thought I'd do a little breakdown of your response. I thought it might help you formulate better responses in the future:
On Thu, Jun 3, 2010 at 8:41 AM,
Dave, PERSONALIZING THE RESPONSE -- ACTUALLY MORE THAN I EXPECTED. MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I'M THE ONLY GUY OUT THERE WRITING YOU ABUSIVE EMAILS.
Good to know you can read. CLICHED INSULT! YOU MUST HAVE SPENT HOURS COMING UP WITH THAT ONE. YOU'VE JUST LOST ANY POINTS YOU MIGHT HAVE WON BY CALLING ME "DAVE".
Now, may we suggest you take the advice of your folks PRESUPPOSITION ABOUT WHO MY "FOLKS" ARE! BONUS POINTS FOR USE OF "FOLKS", WHICH IS MIGHTY ENDEARING DUE TO ITS FOLKSINESS.
and stop focusing on the politics of the past ANOTHER SWEET CLICHE. AND A STUPID ONE! DO YOU REALLY WANT SOMEONE FOLLOWING YOUR FAT, SWEATY BOSS AROUND SCREAMING "POLITICS OF THE PAST" EVERY TIME HE BRINGS UP AN INCIDENT THAT'S OVER, SAY, 6 MONTHS OLD? HE'D GO DEAF. NOT THAT'D REALLY CHANGE THINGS FOR HIM.
(if that story is even true - did you check it's accuracy?). IT WAS REPORTED IN A MAJOR NEWS OUTLET. ARE YOU DENYING ITS ACCURACY? DID YOU DENY ITS ACCURACY WHEN THE STORY CAME OUT? I'M BEING VERY SERIOUS HERE: ARE YOU SAYING THIS DIDN'T HAPPEN?
I wonder what you think of Bill Maher's racist slurs of our President. ANOTHER SWEET ASSUMPTION: THAT I'M JUST AS BIG OF A PARTISAN IDIOT AS YOU ARE.
Thanks again, INSINCERE THANK YOU -- ALWAYS A GOOD CALL WHEN YOU ACTUALLY HARBOR NO SENTIMENTS THAT COULD BE SEEN AS EVEN VAGUELY ADULT.
The 912 Elves SILLY NICKNAME THAT PRETENDS TO BE SELF-EFFACING WHILE RETAINING SUPREME ARROGANCE AND CONDESCENSION
ALL IN ALL, EXCELLENT WORK. NOW IF YOU'RE REALLY AN ELF, GO MAKE ME A GODDAMN COOKIE.
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Jun 3 (6 days ago)
ME, IMPATIENTLY
to webmaster
Jun 3 (6 days ago)
Not surprisingly, I think your non-response says more than your response.
- Show quoted text -
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Jun 3 (6 days ago)
webmaster@theglennbeck912project.com
to me
show details Jun 3 (6 days ago)
Dave,
Thanks for the laughs, but we did ask for information.
You offered no facts about this horrible allegation you made. No link to a story with facts, just rumour and innuendo.
We would be happy to review any pertinent factual information, but not rumours.
Best regards,
The 912 Elves
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Jun 3 (6 days ago)
ME AGAIN. PREPARE TO EAT SHIT, WEBMASTER.
to webmaster
show details Jun 3 (6 days ago)
Elf,
You have now responded to one of my criticisms of your last email. I'll therefore assume that you accede to the rest of my points, and that you admit you're essentially nothing but a stupidly condescending cliche. It's either that, or else I'll have to assume that, unlike myself, you actually cannot read.
As for the sourcing: http://www.salon.com/news/feature/2009/09/22/glenn_beck_two
I find it disingenuous that you pretend not to know which article I was referring to. It's a fairly recent story, and I'm sure that your blubbering, teary-eyed boss pays someone an excessive amount of money to keep up with negative press. Clearly, these aren't my allegations, and framing them as such was a rather pathetic attempt to wish away the inevitable. If you disagree with the story's assertions, and those of its interview subjects, that's another matter. These are specific allegations about an on-air incident, however, and simply dismissing them as "rumour and innuendo" (rumour? what are you, British?) is not going to score you any points.
Glad I could provide you with some laughs. Wish I could say the same, but you're just not a funny person.
Dave
- Show quoted text -
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Jun 4 (6 days ago)
webmaster@theglennbeck912project.com
to me
Jun 4 (6 days ago)
Davey,
Ah, Alex Z and his continuing smear campaign leading up to the release of his Beck bio later this year. Thanks for the link, prior to this morning I had not seen it, but now can report that have I read the entire article.
As someone with a balanced mind, and personal knowledge of almost all of the stories in the piece, I find it odd that Mr. Z. only mentioned/quoted people who had issues with Beck. He only mentions bad things that happened and does not chronicle any good that occurred or was spear-headed by Mr. Beck. He even mocked Beck's holiday show from the deck of the USS Bob Hope.
Additionally, it would have been nice to actually hear what he claims that other people told him happened. There is tape of everything that happened in radio - everything, and yet, none of this is ever heard. Odd. You realize that none of these allegations would stand up in court without facts/proof/evidence, etc. Bring on the tapes.
I am not saying this event and the ones mentioned in the story did not happen. Just that there is a good chance they did not happen as reported here. Don't you, as an educated and rational person, wonder about the basic facts and real details? Perhaps you should read Beck's autobiography. We all know that those with a grudge will paint with the most offensive strokes and those seeking to build up their image will liberally aggrandize. Perhaps between the two lies reality?
No matter. Beck's life is his and he seems to know and accept that. He claims responsibility for his actions. He has seen fit to publicly state that he was not such a good man in much of his youth and tried to make up for that. One cannot erase one's past, only mend the tears and cracks while working to avoid such in the future. It would seem to a fair minded person that he is doing just that.
Ideology makes folks do odd things. When Beck uses facts, logic, quotes and actual tape to support his case there is no response to refute his points - only personal attacks. Those who disagree with Glenn have even taken a wicked personal angle and attacked his faith. I am not a member of LDS or any organized church, but I am a God believer and support all rights to worship (as long as it does not involve killing people who do not believe).
And finally, I was taught by my grandparents that should I have a bone to pick with someone, I really should stick to factual arguments and not rely on cheap and tawdry insults (blubbering, teary-eyed, etc), they only diminish whatever minuscule standing your argument may have and highlight an odd proclivity to judge someone based on weight and appearance... how prejudicially passive aggressive such behaviour is from a member of the Left - the-everyone-is-accepted-no-matter-what Left.
And finally, if Beck did say that awful thing on air as you believe, what should be done to him? And after you answer that, look to everyone who did something foolish/illegal/unpatriotic in their teens and 20s - then look in the mirror. You will find your answer.
OH DAMN, the cookies are burning!
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Jun 7 (2 days ago)
ME (YEAH, MAN, I'M FUCKING BACK!)
to webmaster
Jun 7 (2 days ago)
Elfy,
You've left me with a lot of ridiculous material to respond to, and I'm a little busy today -- plus, I'm worn out from being wasted all weekend (tell Glenn not to worry, it wasn't cocaine!), and I like to be at my wittiest when dissecting the arguments of magical creatures. I'll leave you with a little taste though: you need to consult a dictionary before getting your panties in a bunch. I've pulled these definitions from The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language. You know it's right, because it's American.
blub·ber 1 (blbr)
v. blub·bered, blub·ber·ing (THIS IS THE FORM OF THE WORD I USED -- IT IS NOT AN APPROPRIATE TERM FOR DESCRIBING "OVERWEIGHT" PEOPLE), blub·bers
v.intr.
To sob noisily. See Synonyms at cry.
v.tr.
1. To utter while crying and sobbing.
2. To make wet and swollen by weeping.
n.
A loud sobbing.
[Middle English bluberen, to bubble, from bluber, foam.]
blubber·er n.
blubber·ing·ly adv.
taw·dry (tôdr)
adj. taw·dri·er, taw·dri·est
1. Gaudy and cheap in nature or appearance. See Synonyms at gaudy1.
2. Shameful or indecent: tawdry secrets.
n.
Cheap and gaudy finery.
[From tawdry lace, lace necktie, alteration of Saint Audrey's lace (sold at the annual Saint Audrey's fair, Ely, England), after Saint Audrey (Saint Etheldreda), queen of Northumbria, who died in 679 of a throat tumor, supposedly because she delighted in fancy necklaces as a young woman.]
tawdri·ly adv.
tawdri·ness n.
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Jun 7 (2 days ago)
webmaster@theglennbeck912project.com
to me
show details Jun 7 (2 days ago)
No worries. We're not responding to any more of your hate-based, obviously written by the mothership, talking points and ad hominem attacks.
Really - send all you want - they will be spam foldered.
Go do something for a neighbor. You'll feel better - we promise.
All the elves - smiling in unison.
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ME (SADLY, THIS MIGHT BE THE LAST TIME WE EVER SPEAK)
to webmaster
Jun 8 (1 day ago)
On Mon, Jun 7, 2010 at 11:58 PM,
No worries.
I WASN'T WORRIED
We're not responding to any more of your hate-based, obviously written by the mothership, talking points and ad hominem attacks.
WELL, MY ORIGINAL POINT WAS THAT GLENN BECK COMMITTED A TERRIBLE ACT IN THE PAST. ARE YOU SAYING THAT AN "AD HOMINEM" ATTACK OCCURS WHEN SOMEONE POINTS OUT SOMETHING THAT SOMEONE DID? BECAUSE THAT'S GOING TO MAKE PRETTY MUCH ANY LEGITIMATE ARGUMENT AGAINST ANYBODY AD HOMINEM. IN FASHION TALK, AD HOMINEM WILL BECOME THE NEW BLACK. OBVIOUSLY, CLAIMING THAT THE ACT OF POINTING OUT THAT OTHER PEOPLE ACTUALLY DID BAD THINGS IS INHERENTLY "HATE-BASED" MIGHT ALSO CAUSE SOME PROBLEMS FOR OUR SOCIETAL DISCOURE.
OR ARE YOU SAYING THAT MY PROVIDING DEFINITIONS FROM A DICTIONARY IS HATE-BASED/AD HOMINEM? I ALREADY SAID THE SOURCE FOR THOSE DEFINITIONS WAS THE AMERICAN HERITAGE DICTIONARY OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE. ARE YOU SAYING AMERICA HATE-BASED AND AD HOMINEM? ARE YOU SAYING AMERICA IS THE MOTHERSHIP? WHAT KIND OF COMMUNIST ARE YOU?
I WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT "AD HOMINEM" MEANT ATTACKING AN ARGUMENT (SAY, THAT GLENN BECK DID A CERTAIN NAUGHTY THING IN THE 80S) WITH AN IRRELEVANT ATTACK ON CHARACTER (SAY, BY ACCUSING ME OF BEING A LIBERAL WITHOUT EVER ADDRESSING WHETHER GLENN DID OR DID NOT PERPETRATE THE ACT).
Really - send all you want - they will be spam foldered.
REFUSING TO HEAR A REBUTTAL BY MARKING IT AS SPAM -- THAT IS TRULY A PROFILE IN COURAGE! PEOPLE WILL COMPARE YOU TO MARTIN LUTHER KING!
Go do something for a neighbor. You'll feel better - we promise.
ARE YOU SUGGESTING I'M A CALLOUS PERSON WHO DOESN'T DO THINGS FOR HIS NEIGHBORS? ON WHAT ARE YOU BASING THIS ASSUMPTION? DO YOU CONSIDER CONSERVATIVES TO HAVE A MONOPOLY ON NEIGHBORLINESS? BECAUSE I HELP THE OLD LADY IN THE APARTMENT ABOVE ME UP THE STAIRS LIKE THREE TIMES A WEEK. HOW MANY TIMES A WEEK DO YOU HELP OLD LADIES UP STAIRS?
All the elves - smiling in unison.
HOW MANY FREAKING ELVES ARE THERE? SHOULD I BUY A MAGICAL FIREARM TO PROTECT AGAINST SOME SORT OF ELF UPRISING? AND WHY ARE YOU ALL SMILING IN UNISON? DON'T YOU REALIZE SMILING IN UNISON REQUIRES THAT YOU ALL START SMILING AT THE EXACT SAME TIME? DOES THIS MEAN THAT YOU'RE SHARING A BRAIN? ARE YOU ROBOT ELVES?
PS: THE EASY WAY OUT OF THIS WOULD BE FOR YOU TO WALK UP TO GLENN AND SAY, "HEY, ABOUT THIS WHOLE MAKING FUN OF A WOMAN'S MISCARRIAGE THING. DID YOU ACTUALLY DO THAT?" EASY UNLESS YOU DON'T ACTUALLY HAVE ACCESS TO GLENN. WHICH WOULD MAKE HIM AN ELITIST. WHICH WOULD IN TURN MAKE HIM A LIBERAL. DAMN, ELF, IS YOUR FACE MELTING YET FROM THE POWER OF MY LOGIC?
PPS: SINCE IN YOUR LAST EMAIL YOU BROUGHT UP THE WHOLE "CHARACTER ASSASSINATION WITHOUT PROOF" THING IN REGARDS TO PRETTY MUCH ANYONE WHO'S EVER CRITICIZED YOUR BOSS, DID YOU CATCH JON STEWART THE OTHER NIGHT? WHEN HE USED VIDEO TO PROVE THAT GLENN'S STATEMENT THAT NO OTHER NETWORK BESIDES FOX WAS SHOWING THAT FOOTAGE OF THE ISRAELI RAID WAS ACTUALLY TOTAL BS? IT WAS PRETTY EFFECTIVE. AND OF COURSE YOU CAN'T DISMISS THE SEGMENT JUST BECAUSE STEWART IS LIBERAL. THAT WOULD BE AN AD HOMINEM ATTACK, AND I KNOW YOU HATE THOSE. YOU HATE THEM SOOOOOO MUCH, YOU ACTUALLY KIND OF LOVE THEM. GROSS! YOU'RE GOING TO GET COOTIES!
PPPS: IT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA TO ADD "-EY" (E.G., "DAVEY") TO THE END OF PEOPLES' NAMES IN AN ATTEMPT TO BELITTLE THEM. IT'S VERY PLAYGROUND OF YOU. AND WE ALL KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO PEOPLE LIKE YOU ON THE PLAYGROUND. THEY GET WEDGIED. POSSIBLY EVEN ATOMIC WEDGIED. EXCEPT SINCE ELVES DON'T WEAR UNDERWEAR, THEY'D HAVE TO PULL YOUR TUNIC BOTTOMS OVER YOUR HEAD. THAT'S THE KIND OF TREATMENT THAT COULD CAUSE A SERIOUS PSYCHIATRIC DISORDER LATER IN LIFE.
LIKE BELIEVING YOU'RE AN ELF ON A CRUSADE TO SAVE THE WORLD?
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