"So for a man, the way to tell if you're a true Paul Simon fan is: if Paul Simon and you were being held captive by kidnappers, and they said that if you didn't let Paul Simon violently sodomize you they would kill him, what would you do?"
"I mean, I like him, but he has a pretty extensive back catalog, so I wouldn't do it just because I couldn't live without him making more music. Maybe because of the obligation to save another person's life, but...I am saving his life here. Why can't he be gentle? Why does he have to violently sodomize me?"
"Because. That's the only way Paul Simon knows how to do it."
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