Now What We Have Here Is A Magnificent Specimen of Pure Ohio State Buckeye

Bill, a Bogota-born hedge funder whose real name isn't Bill but is something not particularly Colombian, went to Duke with a Dallas friend, and moved to NYC in '97. His first few years he made just over $40K per – not poverty, but Bill had a thing about living above his means. So he started betting every single Ohio State game heavy, always taking the Buckeyes. He knew nothing about college football. He had never been to Ohio. He just picked a talent-stacked team (except at quarterback, but hey, Big 10), stuck with them, and over a few years earned around $40K, all of which he spent on making life more better.

By the time OSU won its National Championship – after years of dashed expectations for teams loaded with the likes of Orlando Pace, the late great David Boston, etc – Bill was making plenty of money the legal way, and had left behind the least complicated betting system ever.

The other night I watched the Jets/Vikes Internet Cock Bowl (Favre, Santonio Holmes, Visanthe Shiancoe -- you can find those links on your own) at the Pour House with a relatively recent OSU grad. At a baseball game in college, Santonio Holmes had hit on her at the concession stand by asking “Hey baby, can I buy you a hot dog?” It didn't work for him that time, but I'm sure it did others. Whether it's point spreads or penis, you gotta keep things simple.