Home Malone

Amtrak'd out to the Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame dinner at the Mohegan Sun. This barely pubescent pro skateboarder shared the dining car with us, traveling alone to an event. Listening to his banter with the porters, at first we thought he was a freaky little diva, but we realized he was kidding around when he said "My contract stipulated that I would have a significant amount of funds for snacks, and all I get are these Funyons?" -- then started laughing, cracking up the car. I was just impressed that he actually read his contract, and knew the word "stipulated".

They inducted Jordan into this thing last year, but the talent this year was staggering, mainly because among others both the '60 and '92 Olympic teams were enshrined:

They sat us at a table with a husband & wife -- she a die-hard WNBA fan who works in some capacity at Yale and won a Facebook contest, he a...mustache -- plus three other randoms. Plus Ric Bucher, who was the awesomest. Dinner highlights:

• For a 52-year-old mother, Nancy Lieberman-Cline looked outrageously hot -- good enough to get away with a very revealing top. She's just Nancy Lieberman these days, so hey, you go girl. 
• Posthumous International Inductee Maciel “Ubiratan” Pereira's photo looked like a 1930s mugshot. He definitely shot a general-store clerk in Texas at one point.
• Bucher gave us good-natured shit for clapping for an '07 Inductee -- former Yugoslav National Team Coach Mirko Novosel -- even though we'd never heard of him before his name was announced. I told Bucher whoever Novosel was, I figured he deserved to be there more than I did. Bucher accepted this logic.
• Charles Smith also deserved to be there more than I did, and more than my colleague Ben. But had the occasion arisen, Ben would not have clapped for Charles Smith. He's still really angry at Charles Smith.
• Dolph Schayes is a mountain. He appears to have achieved the peace of a man who's spent years living on top of one. 
• Why Willis Reed didn't have a second career in blaxploitation flicks is inexplicable and inexcusable. As Bucher put it, Reed is "the coolest bad ass you'll ever meet". 
• The night's biggest surprise: Luther Wright killing it on the guitar for the NBA Legends Band.

Ben put the over/under at seven for stars showing up at the Ultra 88 nightclub afterparty. I took the under, and I'm pretty sure there ended up being zero, though I was banking on Hubie Brown.

Afterwards, we hit another bar. This random couple who'd been at the Sublime concert started talking to us. The guy was kind of a scumbag. He told us he was going to proposition a little person (who'd been at the dinner) for a three-way. We thought he was kidding. He wasn't. The little person politely declined. This is the girl's peacock tattoo:

This morning, we hung out in the lobby for an hour. That's Karl Malone, reclining between graciously posing for pictures and signing autographs. And on the right that might or might not be the same little person:

We mostly left the celebrities alone, but damn, Karl Malone:

He ended up being insanely nice. And weirdly funny. Here's the exchange between Ben and him:

"Mr. Malone, I know you're probably tired of signing autographs, and I apologize for not being 8-years-old, but is there any way I could take a picture with you?"
"Sure. Just don't stand behind me. That's how Jesse James got shot."
"I wouldn't dream of it. I don't have a gun."
"You don't?" (pats pant leg, smiling) "I do."

We're 99% sure he was kidding, but that dude who looks like Chuck Daly was definitely packing heat.