Just rolled out of the Tanteo tequila offices, where they'd asked me to judge a bartender duel: John from Elizabeth vs Bernardo from Agua Dulce. I'd agreed despite not knowing fuck-all about cocktail-making, mostly because their publicist is very...winsome, and because the other thing I don't know fuck-all about is avoiding situations where ignorance could prove a handicap. I took a judges' stool between Tanteo's mixologist (waving goodbye above) and the ferociously bearded owner of Daddy-O, Phil, a talented drinksman who'd started out managing that bar, then eventually bought it at discount from his boss, whose financial mistakes included telling Phil to "just keep track of what I owe you" and assuming Phil didn't know fuck-all about using a calculator. Being sandwiched by credibility got me more stressed out at first, but by the third competition drink (secret mandatory ingredient: Aloe Vera -- who knew that was edible?) I'd picked up enough from their comments to figure out that, like ice skating, degree of difficulty matters. I also learned about "balance", but still have no clue what "mouth feel" is.
So, competition's over, and I'm walking down Mercer, when I see this fucking amazing car. "That car is fucking amazing" I said to the Euro-mullet owner (see above -- it's the guy with the mullet that appears to be European).
"It is fucking amazing. It's a concept car. A Ferrari. I bought it off Jay Leno."
I swear he'd just told someone across the street the Jay Leno part.
"No shit? Jay Leno?"
"Yeah, man. $500,000." He then got in the car, killing the brief hope that he might be a modestly imaginative liar.
They say that in the end, it's really all about taste, but without knowledge -- of degree of difficulty, and balance, and etc -- you don't always know what you're tasting. I'm pretty sure that when this guy licks his very complex machine, the only flavors he's picking up are $500,000, and Jay Leno's balls.
Update: My car-loving coworker says there's no way Ferrari built this, and that it might possibly be a Fiero with a Cadillac build-out kit. Regardless, "the door handles are definitely GM."
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