Showing posts with label crime. Show all posts
Showing posts with label crime. Show all posts

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Too Big To Fail



Both of these signs mark the front of the HSBC taking over the southwest corner of 9th and 2nd, which used to host a Max Brenner, and before that a Japanese place that never took off because the chef died right before it opened, and before that a Starbucks, which for no apparent reason moved across the street.

Since you can't bring a gun into New York City, period, it kind of goes without saying that you can't bring one into a bank, no matter how redundant the branch (there are other HSBCs at Broadway & 9th, 1st & 14th, and USQ, not to mention dueling 2nd Ave Chases on St. Marks and 10th St, plus another at Astor Place).

If you're an armed robber, this sign probably won't phase you. But this shitty, hand-drawn “Closed” sign should stop you dead in your tracks. If this branch can't even afford a decent “Closed” sign, you should just walk the few extra blocks and rob a less impoverished HSBC (Broadway & 9th, 1st & 14th, or USQ, or since you clearly don't have a banking preference just rob the Chase on St. Marks, 10th, or Astor Place).

There's also an Emigrant Bank, but I think you have to be of Irish descent to rob it.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Candidate Withdrawal



Last night at High Bar (48th and 8th), my buddy Duke and a friend of one of my coworkers spent about ten thinking they'd met somewhere before, 'til they realized that last week they'd been candidates for jury duty together. The case involved a “really tall but not at all threatening middle-aged white guy in a bad suit” pushing a little too hard for affection from a much younger drunken woman in Times Square. Both Duke and my coworker's friend were rejected from the pool. Neither seemed hurt.

This morning I walked into one of my three local Chase banks and saw this carnage.

Bungled sexual assault in Times Square. Attempt to rob ATM by smashing through touchscreen in East Village.

This is New Jack City, baby. Shit is falling apart all over.