Kerry Collins' Greatest Country Hits

So Al Michaels or possibly Chris Collinsworth just said Kerry Collins had been sitting on a front porch in Nashville writing country songs when he got the call from the Colts. Since he's too busy for all that now -- and because my buddy Skinny told me I probably needed to -- I took the liberty of writing one for him during the 2nd quarter of the Steelers game.

"Back When I Was Drinking" 

I have been to Super Bowls

Okay, just one Super Bowl

But my career was laudable

You can't say otherwise

I could throw 50 percent

And they'd call me dependable

I guess I was defendable

They figured I was wise

But now...

I got

Receivers blocking linemen

And the turf pounding my brain

Back when I was drinking

I was in a lot less pain

How bad could they really be

They all play professionally

It's not like Peyton played on D

We'll at least be mediocre

Jesus Christ this running game

Is redefining the word lame

Could we just call up old Edge James

Or possibly Al Roker?

I got

Receivers blocking linemen

And the turf pounding my brain

Back when I was drinking

I was in a lot less pain

From Ray Caruth to Kenny Britt

It's not like I give a shit

Which targets my passes hit

Can't we get something going?

I swear to god my beard was brown

Three weeks ago when I hit town

Clinton didn't age this fast

After Oval Office blowing

I got

Receivers blocking linemen

And the turf pounding my brain

Back when I was drinking

I was in a lot less pain

Country didn't hit this hard

Can we get some blocking from these guards

And I don't think that Dallas Clark

Is built like Brandon Manumaleuna

I thought I would be a stop-gap

Now it's a 16-game trap

I didn't sign up for this crap

Painter, learn this offense soon-a

I got

Receivers blocking linemen

And the turf pounding my brain

Back when I was drinking

I was in a lot less pain